


I Thought I'd Never See You Again

by Itwasntme178



Series: There Was A Girl [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Cas is a chick, Cas is a former assassin, F/M, There is a baby, dean has been in hell a really long time, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 12:36:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itwasntme178/pseuds/Itwasntme178
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is dragged into hell leaving Cas alone and pregnant. Only, neither of them knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cross post- theysayitsmoreprofound.tumblr.com
> 
> I had never seen an episode of Supernatural with Castiel in it when I wrote this a year ago...

Two years it had been since Dean had been dragged into The Pit.

Seventeen months it had been since Cas had discovered her pregnancy and been left to raise Dean’s child on her own.

And for someone who had never had a childhood of her own, it was not an easy task.

First of all, she’d had to find a life outside of hunting.

She moved into a small apartment in suburban Kansas, somehow subconsciously needing that connection with Dean for their child.

Having set up a false identity, she survived off credit card scamming as Dean had taught her.

When Sam was born, Cas felt something she had never felt in her 26 years.

She looked that blue eyed baby in the face and felt home.

It wasn’t completely foreign she supposed, it was something she had felt with Dean too, when they were curled together in a different motel room each night, hunting evil and falling in love.

But this was different, this was something that she and Dean had created together and the warmth that filled her was unrivaled by anything she had ever felt.

The nurses had asked about Sam’s father and she had turned away at the look of pity in their eyes when she had simply stated “he’s dead”. 

But this was later.

Sam was a year old and the most beautiful baby boy she had ever seen, not that she had really encountered a lot of babies in her previous life.

But Sam was the most beautiful because he looked just like his father.

He has Cas’s blue eyes, but the rest of him was all Dean.

And as much as it hurt to see his face in her son, she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Now, at least, Dean wasn’t really gone. She would be able to see him and remember every time she looked at Sam. And that was worth the pain.  

 

Cas tried to forget what today was as she lay down Sam in his bed, the two year anniversary of losing Dean.

Swallowing the tears that threatened to fall, she put on a pair of Dean’s boxers and shirt and climbed into her empty bed.

But as she closed her eyes, a sound woke her instantly.

She lept out of bed, gun already in her hand and loaded and ran to her sons room.

A man loomed over Sam’s crib. How had she not heard him get in? Not important now. 

“Don’t you dare touch him” she growled, cocking the gun for emphasis.

But as the man straightened up, she could see he was shaking, and not only that, she knew those shoulders.

She knew the back of that head, even in the dark she would always know him.

“Dean?” her voice was barely above a whisper. 

Dean turned slowly and she saw the tears in his eyes in the stream of moonlight from the window.

She couldn’t get another word out, but threw herself at him wrapping her arms around his neck and feeling those familiar strong arms wrap around her. 

“Cas” her name from his lips sounded like a dying man asking for water, parched and desperate. 

“How…” she trailed off, pulling back to look into his face.

It was just how she remembered, but thinner, more pained. He had obviously been through hell.

Oh yes, he actually HAD been through hell.

He shook his head,

“They sent me back… Time was up I guess”  She caught his eyes travel over to the still sleeping Sam.

She smiled softly, “I see you met your son.” 

His face suddenly went white with shock.

“MY son? I saw him and I just assumed… You… Uh…”

She looked at him incredulously. 

“You thought I moved on?? You thought I had some other man's baby?”

Cas took a deep breath, calming herself as to not wake her son, their son.

“Dean I’ve never loved anyone else but you and I never could. Dean, he’s fifteen months old. And before that I was pregnant for nine months. You were still here twenty four months ago. I was two months pregnant when you… Got taken”  

Even in the darkness Cas could see that Dean was as pale as a sheet. She grabbed his arm and pulled him out into the hallway, closing Sam’s door behind her.

The lamp in the hall cast a soft glow on the un-willingly estranged lovers. In the light Cas could look into Dean’s face and see every emotion he was trying to hide. She gently reached up to touch his face, his jaw clenched and his eyes closed, but he didn’t pull away.

Somehow over the last pair of years one half of this emotionally stunted couple had figured out how to deal with feelings.

Maybe it was having a child, maybe it was having to come to terms with the loss of Dean, but Cas had changed. She was no longer the empty killer she had once been.

 “His name is Sam.” she murmured, her hand still on his cheek, not wanting to break the mood.

Dean’s eyes flew open and his green eyes darted between her blue ones, as if he couldn’t decide which to focus on.  His voice finally came out again as a choked whisper,

“What?” Cas remembered all the nights they had laid in bed together, just talking.

How he’d told her all about his brother Sam, how Sam had died, how much he missed him.

It was funny. Cas had never imagined she would see Dean again, but still she named their child after Sam because it’s what she would have done had he been there. She wanted to give that to Dean, a chance to make up for losing his brother.

And here he was in front of her, and what was she doing? Arguing with him? Talking to him? Hell, there was time for talking later. Now, her body was telling her about all the need it had accumulated in the past two years and that it was about to explode.

She bit her lip, saw his eyes move to her mouth and took her opening.

Cas flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her lips, and the rest of her body tight to his. It was only a millisecond before his body began to respond. His arms wrapped tightly around her, squeezing like he thought he would be dragged back to Hell at any moment. But she wasn’t going to let that happen, not again.

She threaded her fingers into his hair as his hands roamed her body. They settled below her behind and lifted her off the ground. Cas immediately wrapped her legs around him as the muscle memories of doing this so many times before came flooding back. How Dean liked to be kissed, how he liked when Cas tugged his hair, how he liked…

Her thought train trailed off as Dean mumbled something into her mouth. 

“What?”

“Bedroom, which door is the bedroom”

“Oh. Behind you”

Dean carried her through the doorway and walked into the dark room until his legs hit the bed. He let Cas slide down his body until she was sitting on the bed in front of him.

She had already started pulling off his filthy clothes, had he been wearing the same clothes for the past two years in Hell? She was pretty sure they were caked in blood as well so it was a possibility.

Suddenly he was shirtless and she ran her hands over his abs and chest. How could she have lived without him for two years? How had she EVER lived without him? 

“Cas…”

His voice was still in that rough whisper, but now he wasn’t really trying to say anything, it was like he felt if he said her name he could be more reassured she was there, that he still wasn’t in hell just having a hallucination. She kissed his stomach above his belly button. 

“I’m right here, Dean. I got you.”

That was all it took to break him.

In as much time as it took her to blink, his mouth and body were covering hers on the bed. She reached between them, undoing his belt and shoving his jeans down, he tugged her sleep shirt off and moved his mouth to her bare breasts as she shoved his boxers off her body. Cas felt a grin against her body as she dropped the undergarment off the bed. 

“Those are mine." She could hear the smile in his voice. 

 “Yeah.” Was all Cas could managed before she arched her back off the bed in pleasure, no longer able to form a coherent thought as he slid two fingers into her body.

He moved his mouth back up to kiss her and pulled his fingers out, she was ready and neither of them could, or wanted to wait any longer. He slid into her and she gasped, not with pain, although there was some discomfort, it had been two years, no, it was the feeling of home she felt when she was with baby Sam.

Dean was her home. And he was home. 

Some time later they lay tangled together, spent and happy. Cas nuzzled into his neck. Prompting a sleepy kiss to the top of her head from Dean. Yes, there would be trials in the future, hell there would be trials tomorrow, when she will have to introduce Sam to his own father, but for now, all she could feel was happy and complete


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Cas woke in a cold sweat, fearing that the previous night had been a dream and Dean was still in Hell.

But when she sat up her arm hit something solid and she heard a grunt.

A Dean grunt.

He was still there, alive and not a dream.

She let out a sigh and slid out of bed, putting her pajamas back on before slipping out of the room.

Cas showered and made breakfast before hearing Sam stir in his room. She opened the door and smiled, seeing him standing up in his crib waiting for her.

“Mommy!!” he said excitedly, Sammy was excited about everything, although she supposed most children were at one, not that she had any experience.

“Hi baby” she cooed scooping him up and planting a kiss on his forehead.

She pointed over to the picture of Dean next to the crib.

“Who else do we say good morning to?”

“Daddy!” baby Sam burst out wriggling around in Cas’s arms. “Mor’ng daddy!”

His little hands reached for the picture, and like they did every morning, Cas and Sam blew kisses to the picture of Dean and she carried him to the changing table.

After cleaning him up, she looked between the kitchen and her bedroom.

Feed Sam first or let him meet Dean first. After a moment she made a decision.

“Sammy, do you want to see daddy out of the picture?” his eyes widened and he nodded.

“Daddy.” he said solemnly.

He had no idea what was happening, but somehow he knew it was serious.

Cas pushed open the door and saw Dean lying in the rumpled blankets, still naked. At least he was mostly covered…

She took Sam and sat on the edge of the bed dropping her son in her lap. He pushed back against her and she heard the start of a cry, but she rubbed his head soothing him,

“It’s ok baby, Mommy is right here. That is Daddy, like in the picture, remember?”

Sam just stared at the stranger in his mother’s bed. Cas cleared her throat and nudged Dean.

“Dean, wake up. There’s someone here who wants to meet you.”

Dean’s eyelids lifted enough that she could see his green eyes dart between Cas and Sam and stop on Sam, widening to fully open.

He sat up slowly, careful not to knock the blankets off his body or scare the small child that was staring at him with intense blue eyes, Cas’s intense blue eyes.

Dean marveled at how much Sam looked like him now that he saw him awake in the light. Swalloing the lump in his throat, he reached out a hand.

“Hi Sam, I’m Dean.”

It took a moment but Sam reached out his tiny hand and took hold of one of Dean’s fingers. Laughing Dean shook his son’s hand.

Sam tilted his head, the way Cas always did when she was considering something. He looked back at Cas and then at Dean again, then back to Cas.

“Daddy?” he asked, pointing to Dean.

Dean looked at Cas’s face and saw tears pooling in her eyes. He had never seen Cas cry before, and he froze not sure what to do next.

But Cas just nodded, letting the tears fall.

“Yes baby, that’s Daddy.” but she was smiling through her tears as she kissed Sam’s head.

Now it was Dean’s turn to tilt his head in confusion,

“How does he know?” She laughed,

“Oh we have a picture of you in his room that we… Um, talk to.”

She suddenly looked embarrassed.

“I know it’s silly, but I at least wanted him to know what his daddy looked like.”

At that moment Dean was full to bursting with love unlike any he’d ever felt before, and he felt tears prick his own eyes.

He reached over Sam’s head and pulled Cas in for a kiss. Sam started to fuss, being caught in the middle, but not being the center of attention. The adults laughed and Dean ruffled his son’s hair. He looked up at Cas.

“I’m starving, I feel like I haven’t eaten in two years. Any hope for breakfast?”

Cas laughed, that was her Dean, making jokes out of something so serious- because she knew he actually hadn’t eaten in two years. It wasn’t like there was a buffet in Hell.

She picked up Sam and told Dean to get dressed and meet them in kitchen.

When he appeared, Cas stared. He was wearing his own clothes, but not the clothes he had been wearing before.

They were clothes that Cas had kept, not able to throw them away after Dean had been lost, almost willing him to come back, if just for his clothes. And there he was, filling the t-shirt and jeans that had been empty for so long.

She bit her lip and turned around willing back the tears. She had cried quite enough this morning, thank you.

Sam banging on the tray of his highchair dragged her out of her own head and she put on a smile, turning to her son.

 

Dean could tell Cas was avoiding him. Maybe not intentionally, but she was. She smiled at Sam, but ignored him, not looking him in the eye as she put the plate down in front of him. He couldn’t help but grin though, she had made his favorite breakfast. Bacon, pancakes, sausage… The works. He kept trying, though, to catch Cas’s eye. There was something different in her sapphire eyes. Something soft that he had never had while he had known her before.

Motherhood suited her he decided. While Sam was distracted eating his own food, Dean put down his fork and stood, moving toward Cas. He was hungry, sure, but whatever was wrong with Cas was much more important.

“Cas…” he said grabbing her hand and pulling her gently towards him.

 

The rough sound of Dean’s voice poured over Cas warming her from head to toe. She had to be dreaming, because she had thought she would never hear that voice again outside of her dreams. That voice that could turn her on or melt her to butter with one word. And he was doing both to her right now. She finally met his eyes with tears in her own, and seeing them he crushed her against his hard body.

“I though I’d never see you again” she finally whispered fiercely against his shirt, grabbing fists of the back of his shirt, her face buried in his chest.

“God, Dean I didn’t know what to do without you!”

All of a sudden all the fears and pain washed out of her as she sobbed and he held her, both of them sliding to the kitchen floor, wrapped around each other. She could feel Dean’s own hot tears hit her face.

They sat and cried for several long moments before they heard Sam’s whine grow increasingly louder. Cas let out a hiccupy laugh and wiped her face, reaching up to palm Dean’s face, pushing away his tears with her thumb. Her covered her hand with his and her mouth with his own. But Sammy was no about to be ignored any longer, proceeding to scream

“MOMMY! ME!” at the top of his little lungs.

Cas and Dean broke apart and rested their foreheads against each other, both laughing.

Cas smiled at Dean as they climbed off the floor and she pulled Sam out of his highchair. Little Sam tossed a glare at Dean for distracting his Mommy.

“He gets that from YOU!” she teased and stuck her tongue out at him as she carried Sam across the room to Dean.

“Want to hold him?” Dean’s grin faltered and his eyes filled with trepidation.

“Will he let me?” Dean asked Cas quietly.

Cas smiled softly at him. God, she loved him so much. She nodded, biting her lip.

“Yeah. He’s really… Sensitive. He knows I trust you, so he will too.”

With that she handed him his son. And suddenly he was face to face with this perfect mix of him and Cas. And he had already missed so much. His eyes found Cas’s,

“God, Cas. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t with you. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to make it up to you” Cas just smiled,

“Just be here for the rest, ok?” She rubbed his arm and kissed Sam’s head.

Sam cooed and stuck his hand in Dean’s mouth, Dean choked and Cas laughed. But then Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and dropped his little head onto Dean’s shoulder, and Dean Winchester was lost.

 

They settled into a routine, the three of them. Sam was obsessed with Dean, and Cas saw Dean felt the same way. He was the one now to spring up first thing in the morning, and after kissing Cas good morning, he bounded to their son's room and Cas would hear the squeals and laughter from father and son.

Cas would flop back onto the bed smiling, unbelieving still that this was happening.

But after weeks of being holed up in the apartment, playing with Sam, rediscovering each other, being a family- Cas could see Dean itching.

He was a hunter who had not hunted in far too long. Cas knew the feeling, she would never tell Dean, but she had taken Sam on a few hunts when she just couldn’t take it anymore. Cas would never put Sam in danger, leaving him with their friend Missouri, a physic, before going after her target. She could always feel Missouri’s eyes prying in her mind as she turned her back and walked into danger. The slight tinge of disappointment, but also sadness and understanding that came from the woman was almost unbearable.

But she hadn’t for some time now. She was becoming more content to just be with Sam (much to Missouri’s happiness) than feeling that itch to go kill something. That had always been a big difference in her hunting and Dean’s. Dean had that itch. But he did it mostly to save people, because he had not been able to save his own family. Cas did it because of Dean.

When she had met Dean, she was an assassin. And suddenly killing people just because someone told you too had become less appealing and killing evil because it helped people had become her new life.

Because she wanted to be a better person. Or at least that’s what she told anyone. Really she had just wanted to stay with Dean.

Now here she was with Dean and Sam. Something she never imagined having, a family. She found Dean running his fingers over his old favorite knife from her hunting stash that she kept hidden in her bedroom.

“Dean?” he jerked, quickly putting the knife back down and shutting the secret compartment.

“I…uh” he shifted his gaze to his shoes instead of looking at Cas.

“How did you even find that?” She was less angry and more curious. It also meant she was loosing her edge if she couldn’t even hide some weaponry.

But now Dean looked her in the eye and smiled,

“Cas. I know you.” He didn’t need to say anything else.

She nodded, biting her lower lip and moving across the room to stand next to him. She popped open the compartment and pulled out Dean’s knife. She handed it back to him.

“It’s yours anyway, you can put it where you want.” He took it out of her hand, tossed it back down and grabbed her, pulling her into a hard kiss.

“Is Sam sleeping?” he whispered against her mouth.

She nodded, unable to respond as Dean’s tongue slid along her own, twisting and claiming in her mouth. He moved them to the bed and looping his hands around her waist, lifted her and playfully tossed her on the bed. She giggled and shushed him.

“Sam’s sleeping!” he just winked and followed her onto the bed.

“He’s a deep sleeper.” He kissed her again and she couldn’t help but agree, and pray that this would be one of those times where he slept like a rock while his parents got some time alone.

Cas lay with her head on Dean’s chest, one arm around her, the other stroking through her dark hair. She loved the feel of his chest rising, his breath hitting her forehead, his heart beating against her ear.

She couldn’t imagine what it had been like for him in hell, he didn’t talk about it. But sometimes he would cry out in his sleep, or jerk away when she touched him before he has warning. She could see the haunted look in his eyes that came out when he forgot himself and let his mask slip. The though of her beloved suffering brought a lump to her throat as it threatened to turn into a sob.

She squeezed him tighter and he shifted, kissing the top of her head.

“What’s wrong, Cas?” Dean asked thickly, and she realized he had fallen asleep.

Cas didn’t speak, but shook her head agaist his chest. He was content and at peace at this moment and she didn’t want to take that away from him. 

She just snuggled closer, kissing his chest and they both fell asleep.

Cas woke to the sound of Sam squealing and opened her eye just in time to see him flying through the air and land square on her stomach. She let out an “oof!” and Sam scrambled up her body to attack her with kisses and babbled away in his own half English-half Sam language.

She finally pulled her head away and looked past him to his flight instructor, who was leaning against the wall next to the bed, wearing low riding sweatpants and a huge grin and Cas thought he had never looked more beautiful.

Except perhaps when naked and sweating while making love to her, or holding and talking to Sam like no one else was there…

Cas grinned back at her all around beautiful man. They would figure this out- hunting, family, all of it. As long as they had each other.


End file.
